I think that the point that this guy is trying to get across to everybody that reads this article is that now a day many people based their life on “stuff”. Her solution is to get people to see that stuff is tearing people apart. A person died on black Friday because he was ran over by the people that were trying to get things for their families.
It goes to show how people are. An innocent person dies because of the selfishness of the people, people that were trying to get thing to show off the things that they got, not one person stopped and helped the man that dies. The things that people would do to get whatever they want or whatever makes them happy. I would not want to be any of the people that were responsible for the death of the old guard. I think that instead of buying things that you don’t need, people should start focusing in what is important like family. Like my sister in laws brother has three kids and barely sees them because he is always working because he wants to give them the life that he never had, but when he’s home he is always getting mad at them because he doesn’t have the patient to take care of them, and the way he gets them to be happy is that he buys them things. The kids get new things most of the time. Another thing is that his kids are not used to him because they don’t even listen to him. He is losing his relationship with his family over work, and he is not seing that it is going to affect him in the future.
I think your essay was very well written. I think you understood the prompt and answer what you needed to, to write your essay. Good job in doing so. I think the greatest strength of your essay was how you ended it. It’s like making my want to tell your friend that he needs to just spend time with his family before they are older and have their own lives.
ReplyDeletePrompt was great. It was kinda of cunsing because of your writing but overall great story.
ReplyDeleteGreat job your essay was very well written it flowed well and you covered the topic well. good job
ReplyDeleteYour intro to stuff is not salvation was ok it does tell the reader the point of the story. I feel that you could use more sensatory details to give the reader a more descriptive detail of what they are going to be reading when it comes to your conclusion try and make it restate your these in your first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteBe careful when you’re talking about the author because you switched genders. I think you could have expanded your thoughts more in the introduction paragraph and then transitioned into your example for the body paragraph. The writing was a bit confusing because there wasn’t a direct path it took. The example you used was great and is showing what happens in a lot of families now days.
ReplyDeleteI think you did really well in understanding what the author was trying to get across. With saying that I noticed you made a few gender changes not a big deal but still I don’t know how Dawn feels about that ha-ha. I like how you made the comparison between your family and the point the author was trying to get across. Good work.
ReplyDeleteI loved your take on Quindlen's story. your story about the family was great example and I hope the father works on the relationship with his kids it would be sad if he doesn’t. Great job.
ReplyDeleteGreat story very well written. You understood the prompt. Great detail.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you feel strongly about this topic. I think maybe you could have put more detail in the first paragraph regarding black friday, instead of in the second. Other than that I think you did a good job :)
ReplyDeleteGreat job well explanation. People sometimes tend to work hard to give there kids the life they want and end up forgetting the main part.... Spending time.
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